I Grew Up Thinking I'd Fail

A lot of people don't know this - I grew up thinking I would fail. The odds were against me when my parents separated in the early 1980s. We moved from Northern New Jersey to the Washington, DC area with my mom and lived with my grandmother for the next six years. Life as I knew it would change forever. I was 11 years old at the time and the odds of my succeeding in my mind were very minimal. I thought a lot about my family not being together anymore and we were now over 150 miles away from my dad and the family on my dad's side. All I could think of at the time was how this was going to change me forever and I didn't stand a chance out here in the world to succeed.

More odds were against me as I went to a new school, a new environment and moving to "the country" as I called it at the time. As I got older and into my teens, the feeling of not succeeding began to subside a bit and although failure was my first thought, I began to see a little light at the end of the tunnel. If I did well in school, listened to my parents (even my dad who was far away), I felt the odds of me succeeding would be pretty high. Many of my friends had both mom and dad at home so this contributed to me thinking my success would be minimal. Something in me clicked when I turned 17 and I began to push my way through the odds...

...There was an opportunity to go to school part-time if you were a senior in high school and you had good grades. I became determined to get good grades and keep them so I could attend school part-time and get a job five days a week. It wasn't easy and still with this, I thought I would fail at the task of juggling both school and a job. I kept going even without a car which you needed here in the Maryland/Washington, DC area to get around. I wasn't used to this since in New Jersey you could catch the bus or the train anywhere you wanted to go. In my mind, this was another road block and something else which would check the failure box in my head.

I kept going. I caught the bus, the train, hopped a ride with friends thinking the thoughts of failure would subside over time. Those thoughts came and went when I was up against large and small challenges in my life or setbacks as I call them. Every time something happened which was unscripted or unplanned, I would be devastated. I believe this stems from my childhood and not wanting to disappoint anyone for fear they would split up from me like my parents split up when I was younger. This stayed with me and defined me even into my mid 30s and early 40s. Something had to be done and changing my thinking was the very thing which came along and made me see that failure is not and was not an option.

During the 20-year span of my ups and downs after my childhood, it took some internal work on myself to realize I was not a failure. I turned to writing and expressing myself through my journals and my blog and I felt the thoughts of failure begin to lift. We all have trials and tribulations which we face on a daily basis and everything isn't always pretty. I realized this was my way of dealing with the things in my life to make them better - the view through rose-colored glasses.

Do you remember my blog post on rose-colored glass? You can find it here and also a recent newsletter to my email subscribers tells a story about rose-colored glasses. If you would like to read the newsletter, leave a comment below and go here to subscribe to my weekly emails. We talk about all kinds of topics from inspirational items to what's happening in the week or month. Would love to have you as part of A Life With A View and this is also Your Life With A View.

Did you grow up thinking you would fail? Do you still think you are going to fail in this life? I'd love to hear your take and comments on this subject. Many thanks to Joyfully J for this writing prompt. Very helpful for sharing and getting my story out for the world to see and read.